I could swear I have seen this pencil you are talking about before, but it doesn‘t show up on your comment. Maybe you were too fast with your edit? I don‘t know when exactly you edited your comment, maybe under 1 minute after your comment? I know some systems „allow“ hidden edits when done fast after commenting

edit after ~5 min

I usually cry a lot and always have been. In my 20s I got diagnosed with Depression etc. Whenever I was in a clinic the other patients were telling me how jealous they are that I can cry so much. I never understood them, because it‘s very exhausting to cry constantly and it changes NOTHING.
After some years, suddenly, I couldn‘t cry anymore. Still depressed, but now I couldn‘t express my pain anymore. It was horrible, I mean crying constantly is horrible too, but in a different way. It felt like I would feel better if I could cry, even though on a rational level I knew I wouldn‘t. It was a weird feeling. I do cry again now and I think both extremes are similar bad.

Thanks for the explanation

Sorry, I still don‘t quite understand. So if I don‘t trust my ISP, why should I trust a VPN provider? Doesn‘t the vpn provider get the same metadata?