I used to work in automation within the auto industry. Once I became aware of the damage I was doing by being an enabler, that shit began to eat away at my mental health. I knew I had to make an exit plan when all of my day dreams while working there involved Molotov cocktails.

I don’t envy anyone who has to deal with that kind of mental load. Knowing the harm you’re causing while wanting the opposite but still needing to survive the next day, week or month.

That can possibly be it. I experimented with many types of music. Anything harder than punk and they’ll make themselves smaller and lower. I have mostly chill music and they’ll be relaxed but less curious.

Punk seems to hit the right spot for them to be relaxed and very animated. Also Katy Perry. One day a neighbour had a party and were blasting Katy Perry all day and the momma dove was just vibin’ the whole time.

Every year a Mourning Dove couple returns to lay eggs in one of our planters that hangs off the backyard patio railing. It’s slightly covered by the roof overhang so they are protected from rain, direct sunlight and circling prey overhead.

I usually leave a bowl of water for them nearby the planter and my dad will gently water the soil for the plants with all the birds staying put.

They generally don’t mind when people are outside on the patio as long as there are no sudden movements or loud noises.

I’ve noticed they are even more relaxed if I go outside and eat or play some music at a reasonable volume. Surprisingly they the most calm, curious and active when I play any punk music for them.

They’ve been returning for 5+ years now and I’m looking forward to seeing them again this spring.

I know Alpine Linux uses IRC for development. https://alpinelinux.org/community/

I go there from time to time when I have an issue I can’t figure out myself.

It’s mature and simple which is why I believe it’s used more often by developers.

Canada

Strength sometimes takes a lot of patience to help a person fuck up in front of the wrong line of people.

That’s very much what I did. While causing noise with management, I made friends with someone who worked for corporate HR. My first email to her basically predicated what would happen if I raised a complaint to management. I gained her trust by focusing on changing the work culture and not looking for retribution.

I got terminated, lawyers got involved and in the end I got a my severance and banned from working with that international corporate. The HR manager of my company was forced into leaving the company before her retirement. If I didn’t play nice with corporate HR, the company HR manager would have probably worked until retirement like nothing happened.

I now have a new hate for bureaucracy that’s on a deep and personal level but at least I came out with some wins at the cost of some sanity.

The trades are the same way, unfortunately. When the first woman apprentice showed up, all these guys started acting like they’ve never seen a woman before.

The quiet guy who I thought was one of the nicest people there told the apprentice that she belonged in an office. Others wouldn’t let her do anything “dangerous” or over explained all the simple shit to her. Others would just hang around her for uncomfortable periods of time. It was truly bizarre to witness.

She ended up only coming to me for work related questions because I was one of the few people who treated her like a person and not like a little girl. That’s how I found out all the gross and fucked up things the guys were saying to her. She didn’t last long and left for another company which already had women working there. I worked until I got terminated for bringing up issues with the work culture.

During the fight about work culture with management, the vast majority of my coworkers turned their backs on me. Treated me like an idiot and isolated me. They were all so fragile and scared they would have to change their awful ways.

I ended up quitting my apprenticeship and decided to never return to the trades. I can’t stand the culture and I no longer have the energy to fight alone.

Any woman that can remain in the trades or STEM is way stronger than I’ll ever be. I couldn’t imagine myself dealing with that shit daily for an entire life.

I don’t have any answer but I feel your pain. Years ago I wanted to learn C++ for Arduino and asking questions always seemed to have answers that talked down to me and made me feel stupid for asking.

I even tried proving that I made an effort to learn before asking. That didn’t work either. People were still rude.

I gave up.

Years later I got into into Linux and started learning POSIX scripting and self-hosting. I again tried asking questions but still received mostly rude answers but this time there were people in the mix of replies that did try to help. It was slightly better.

I tried showing off a script I was proud of but I did something wrong and people rudely let me know about my mistake. They took no effort to educate me on why it was wrong. I asked for a reason to understand what I did wrong but was left with silence.

I didn’t give up this time but I stopped asking for help and I’m still afraid to show off my projects.

It’s the exact same bullshit I experienced in the trades. I quit my apprenticeship and left the trades because people refused to understand that someone else with less experience won’t instinctively know all the basics. Starting something new is overwhelming and it’s hard to retain all that information the first time learning it all.

I feel like rudeness towards beginners is one of the biggest hypocrisies when so much of progress is built on sharing knowledge.

One lesson I learned from a this is that I either take the time to answer a question fully or don’t. I can at least feel good about the few times I spent answering a question. The people that asked the question were always appreciative of the time and effort I took to help them understand what they wanted to know.